Hers are brown. I never thought I’d wind up with a brown-eyed girl.
Mine are blue. She calls me her blue-eyed boy. I never felt like a blue-eyed boy before she came along.
I’m short-sighted, she’s long-sighted. She’s the only one that sees my eyes unobstructed by glasses.
At bedtime, I move closer so I can see her properly, she moves away so she can see me properly. It’s the only way we really dance together.
When I first met her, I fell so far into her eyes I thought I’d never get out. I’m not sure I ever have.
Proximity, and Revelation.
-
Usually, things are just the distance away that they seem to be. Neither
closer, nor further away, just where they should be. Our eyes find them
and,...
5 days ago
Posts
30 comments:
I'm speechless. This is a perfect 100 words post.
This is just wonderful. If I were her, I'd frame it. Awww.
Awwwwww.
I read this an hour ago, and then came back to read it again. It's gorgeous. I'm surprised there aren't a hundred comments telling you so, but I guess there aren't a hundred words for perfect.
I'm not often jealous of other people's writing, but I'm jealous of this.
Beautiful.
So romantic. Is she swooning? Because I'm swooning.
Oh, yes. Love is so like that. Seen and shared perfectly.
I sang Brown Eyed Girl to my beloved in a pub once, over the table and a couple of drinks. Didn't go down well though. Her eyes are green.
Lovely post though you ol' romantic.
Awww, I really love that fourth paragraph about you moving closer and her moving away to see each other better - "the only way we really dance together".
You must be superb at writing love notes to your lovely lady if you can make 100 words say so much.
One of the finest pieces I've read on your site.
A delicate and truly affecting miniature love story. The 'moving closer/away to see each other properly' line plays out in your head with such magnitude – as though you'd embedded a high-definition video link in the midst of your century.
Most of all though, I think I'm mesmerised by a love story called 'Eyes' which is essentially about optometry. It's a story where the eyes are not merely conduits to an 'inside' of that other person. This is very much about defining an 'outside', about the fuzzy barriers to proximity and how they are playfully thwarted. It's that difference that makes the descriptions so evocative, and make 100 words reverberate as if so many, many more.
This was really lovely.
awwwwwww :) I'm practically giggling lol love it!
Brown Eyed Girl was one of my mother's song. I have hazel eyes, but my daughter's are brown, like her mother's and grandmother's. Sabina has blue eyes that I liken to abalone shells and she's blind without eyeware, whereas I'm far-sighted and things only get fuzzy at night.
In a long-winded, and typed, way, I'm stating I'm a sucker for eyes and have been consumed by a pair or two before...
So sweet and unsentimental. It's the most properly romantic 100 I've ever read. Just wonderful. ;)
Here via that lovely MiMi lady.
Beautiful writing, obviously heartfelt - so much so that it made me cry just a little.
Thank you.
woohooo!!!!!!
ilove it =))
this is great, I love writing that gives you no choice
Was sure I left a comment last night.
This is brilliant, very very moving. Written so concisely, not an extra word, and yet conveys a million.
Your best 100 worder so far.
Beautiful.
It'd be interesting to see what the guys at hitrecord.org could do with this.
This one is a little gem - I have always been a sucker for brown eyes.
this makes me want to be in love.something i am not sure exists.
Really, really wonderful!
I saw your tweet about wondering when you'd be able to get back to the longer posts.
I'm not sure you need to - your 100 word posts are as rich as poetry.
I’m so glad this little piece got such terrific comments.
Starlight – Thank you. A lot of people do 100 Word blog posts nowadays, but I still feel quite protective about them (I’ve been doing them for years) and I wanted to do some that really did the 100 Words format justice. Of all the ones I did this week this was the one where I thought I got closest.
Jenn – Thank you. I don’t think she’ll frame it though ;)
Sharon – I’ve never had a hundred comments for anything, never even close. Thank you for wishing it a hundred comments, that means every bit as much.
meemalee – Thank you. I think it’s important not to be jealous of anyone’s writing.
Nari – She did wonder whether it would be too sickly to put up. I thought hard about it, but I didn’t think it was schmaltzy (though someone on Twitter referred to it as “corny”).
Grandmother – Thank you. I’m very lucky to have it to share.
Food Urchin – Oh dear. That’s almost like calling out somebody else’s name at the wrong time.
Hillary – I’m awful for that, if I do write something about her it often ends up on here. I did write her a sonnet for our anniversary a few years back. That will never end up on the blog.
Matt – Your comments on my posts are usually better than the posts themselves! I wish everyone had a reader like you, and I can’t wait for you to put up some of your own writing.
Ollie – Thank you.
Miss Kitty – Glad you liked it.
Robbie – I think we’re all suckers for eyes, aren’t we? So universal. I always wanted green eyes, but I feel much happier about having blue eyes these days.
Jayne – Thank you! I really wanted it to be unsentimental so that feedback is so, so welcome.
Lisa – Thank you for stopping by. And yes, she is lovely isn’t she?
sweet pea – Good! Thank you for the prompt that helped me to write this, I couldn’t have done it without you.
Jane – What does that mean? I’m really intrigued by that.
Kavey – Thank you. That is a brilliant comment for any writer to receive.
Gem – It doesn’t rhyme, so my guess is not much ;)
Shundo – I am always so pleased to see you comment on my blog. Sorry there haven’t been many Reading memory joggers lately!
songbird – It does, honestly.
bamaloo – Hello! Thank you for taking the time and trouble to comment telling me you liked my writing.
Lady Jennie – It’s as close as I will come, I suspect. I don’t think you’ll ever see any poetry from me.
=)
eyes intrigue and mesmerize me.
do another, sometime.
about flashbacks.
I meant that you chose a topic - eyes - that everyone shares, because we all have them, in contrast to, eg, a railway station in Derby - we can choose not to read that because we don't have to care about stations or Derby. Then you pick up on the experience of looking, which everyone has (how would a blind person react to this post?) and tell your own story, by which time it's too late to go anywhere else and the reader is part of it. People do this in politics all the time, put their own story into what the voter already knows and owns, and then they get voted for without most voters quite knowing why they chose them. I have never read Harry Potter, but it seems those books do precisely that, hence the millions - it is telling that fans dress up and paint their faces like the characters. That's what I meant.
loved every bit of it..:)
That was beautiful. I just read a whole bunch of your posts. Came over from Hippocampus Magazine. I really enjoy your writing.
~FringeGirl
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