The critical lie is the one you tell when you see a woman’s haircut for the first time.
I perfected it when a friend had a haircut so vile she’d effectively spent thirty-four pounds going from twenty-four to forty-four years old.
“Wow, your hair!” I said. Nothing more.
Mikey and I sat in the pub while Kelly was at the hairdressers. Chatting, I discovered that Kelly and Mikey shared a stylist.
Kelly arrived. It turned out she and Mikey now shared a hairstyle.
This was mind-bendingly disturbing, but I had to try.
“Wow, your hair!”
She saw straight through me.
[Suggested by Alyson.]
Oasis
5 hours ago
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18 comments:
Anything like 'you changed your hair!' or 'new hair' that doesn't commit is good I find. I have a friend who routinely has her hair cut into strange directional hair dos that could only work on someone like Winona Ryder- she grows them out and looks much better and every time after a few months we get another awful short do. I just say 'ooh new hair' because i've given up.
Re hairdressers they are very nice but they are like small children or animals. They only respond to clear instruction backed up by constant repition. At the beginning of the appointment I make it very clear that cutting above my shoulder is a sacred line which must not be crossed however carried away they get. I think have to re-iterate throughout what cut we have agreed on because you can see their hands itching to get a layering scissor or something and make you look awful (which they think is very fashionable).
It's a real battle to come out with something normal!
Oops sorry I published mid-edit, that was supposed to say:
So that's why Jane Birkin cuts her own hair! Though somebody once told me that a good haircut is one that nobody notices...
"wow your hair!" is right up there with "wow new (insert chosen article of clothing here)"
or "Oh, you've written a poem". Or in answer to the question "Have you read my blog?" - "Yes."
Critical lie indeed. I remember my mother coming home almost in tears from the hair dresser/butcher and it fell to the males of the house to salvage what remained of her self-esteem.
"No Mummy you look lovely, it really brings out your eyes."
"Er yeah, you look really beautiful,"
And so on. Good times.
I've had the same hair style for so many years that no one notices if I've had it cut or not. I think it harks back to the time a hairdresser persuaded me it would be a great idea to try going blonde. I knew after it was done I'd made a big mistake, but it was the comment from a work colleague that sealed the deal. 'I didn't know it was possible for anyone to look that wrong!' Lies would have been much appreciated at that point!
It must've been the tone of your voice which gave you away. Feigning excitement is an art. So they say. :p
Ha! My wife sees right through that kind of non-committal ruse. Of course, that doesn't keep me from trying.
Good stuff, MLS.
Hairdressers wield such terrible power over us. Nice try on the comment. It would have worked if she liked the cut herself.
I always fail to make the right remark after her haircut....
Yikes..
I try not to say anything unless the person makes it abundantly clear they actually want to hear something about their newest haircut.
Haha
Very good!
Hah! I had a stylist who did fine with the cut, but loved to finish it off with a spikey punk look. My husband would panic every time--and he made no attempt to sound neutral. I'd have to reassure him that when I washed it the next day I could style it in the usual way. Now I just cut it myself.
you are a brave, brave man.
ok, suggestion for a 100 word post: you're leaving the country for the next year. no access to internet. what will your last post be?
Stylists are like husbands. Possibly
more important.
This made me laugh.
Most of the women I know would prefer the critical lie. I don't. Just give it to me straight.
I wrote kind of a response to this, just because it really applied to a situation last night... Unfortunately, heh... "Perfecting the Lie"
"it's.... different." that's the one i get on all my new clothes or nail colors. hehe.
Thanks all for such great comments. I’m glad so many of you appreciate what an awkward situation this presents for a chap. To respond on a few of the things you said:
Rose - Yes, sometimes you do just have to give up don’t you? I also worry that there comes a point when women suddenly go and get a short haircut that they think is chic but actually turns them into their mother overnight. And what on earth do you say then?
Philip - I’ve given up asking people if they’ve read my blog. I have friends who never bother, it might be for the best because it means I can talk about them.
Lewis - Bless, it sounds like you really did your best to rescue that one.
HF&I - Even I would be able to do better than that.
sandyb - One day you’ll give me a 100 Word idea I fancy, but that’s not it.
Jennifer - I was very flattered by that. It’s a good post, too.
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