That Was The Week That Blogged #3

Saturday morning found me sitting outside "Picnic", one of Reading's most splendid cafes, nursing a mocha. I was tapping away at my iPhone catching up on blogs posted by my transatlantic and Antipodean friends from the night before when my friend Lucy went by wheeling a pushchair containing her son. Despite this I gladly engaged her in conversation, because I'm good like that.

Eventually (and when I say "eventually" I mean very quickly) we happened to get round to talking about me. And when I say "happened to get round to" I mean the conversation was steered to me because I have an ego the size of the planet.

"I don't get that thing you've started doing on your blog." she said thoughtfully. "The one where you give an award to three other blogs every week. I mean, I see the point but what's your ulterior motive? You must have one, I just can't figure out what it is."

Charming. As if I am completely motivated by self-interest! I was deeply shocked. In her defence she was clearly frayed from having to look after her kid so I am going to give her the benefit of the doubt and charitably assume that some wanky synapses were behind her wonky synopsis. Because, like I said, I'm good like that.

Anyway, on to the awards. On one hand, you lot make this job unbelievably easy by writing loads of excellent posts every week. On the other hand, you make it incredibly difficult by doing precisely that. So thanks/damn you all to blazes (delete as applicable). As always, there can only be three winners every week and this week's triumphant blog posts are a fantastically diverse bunch and very different from last week's. Here, without further ado, they are.

1. Loophole In My Laptop by Everything I Like Causes Cancer

"But I must warn you...making out with God is dangerous. Afterwards, no mortal man will satisfy you even a little. I mean, I INVENTED those pink parts. I know how they work better than anyone. So think carefully. And yes, the G-spot is named after me. Because if you find it, you see me and many have been known to call out my name."

I loved this. Somehow Gwen managed to spend some of last week having a lengthy email conversation with God. Rather than sell the story to Time magazine and live off the earnings she has inexplicably decided instead to publish the contents on her blog in one of the very funniest things I read this week. Time's loss is our gain: in a wide-ranging chat one of my favourite bloggers managed to cover the tricky issue of Dan Brown and extract the Frost-Nixonesque confession that Mary Magdalene "does shit that would turn Paris Hilton's hair white." Not to be missed.

2. Life After Scooby-Doo by The Time Crook

"It wasn’t long before he was living out of the back of the Mystery Machine and turning tricks for drug money. I even heard a story about how Fred gave a blowjob to a dealer in a bathroom stall at a nightclub. After the deed, the dealer dumped the coke on the floor and Fred crawled around on all fours snorting it up."

Hunter’s blog is a relatively new read for me and I read this post on Sunday, the very first eligible day for TWTWTB. I remember thinking I would be absolutely amazed if I read three better posts than this one this week and so it proved. Interesting (or not very) Scooby-Doo fact – I dated a girl who was the spitting image of Velma for over a year. She wasn’t, as far as I was aware, a lesbian but she did put me off the show forever. Thanks to Hunter for taking some of those unhappy memories away. For the rest of you who have probably never dated anyone who looks like a cartoon character, this enjoyably silly romp should give you shedloads of baggage-free fun.

3. A rather long post by Andy Warhol Goes Shopping

"She smiled and said, 'well, if we're going to be all honest and shit, if I was looking for a boyfriend, I'd look to you.' And that was that. Nothing happened. She did say that, 'one day, we'll have sex.' But I knew it wasn't true, just as she knew it wasn't true. And we didn't."

A lot of blogs (though not mine, obviously) spawn second-rate impersonators, either of prose styles or of particular types of post. Memes are just this problem writ large. You will find hundreds of identical mommy blogs, hundreds of disastrous date blogs, hundreds of people rambling about politics. You’ll find sex blogs, sex blog clones, PostSecret clones, the whole shebang. But you won’t find another blog quite like tennyson ee hemingway’s blog or a post quite like this. With no sentimentality, no whistles and bells he just talks you through a story of his relationship that never was. The things he doesn’t say or tell you are just as nicely judged as the things he does (a rare gift, and I speak as a relentless tell, tell, teller myself) and the overall effect kind of reminds me a little of Raymond Carver. People might tell you it’s easy to write this way; I really don’t think it is. I thought this was excellent and quite a few seemed to agree.

There you go - I'm proud to have them and their words on my blog, and I hope you check them out and like them. Feel free to tell them I sent you. Oh, and if you won would you like a smaller version of the image to pop on your sidebar? If so let me know and I'll sort something out (no ulterior motive I promise).

One other thing - nobody this week sent me a mail suggesting any other posts I might want to consider. Is that because you forgot, or because you think I'm doing such a fantastic job that I don't need any help? If you read something brilliant this week make a note, drop me a line and tell me.

All serious offers considered. No time wasters.