i
Is being locked out twice in two weeks a sign that my mind is going? Is it sweet or weird that two of my friends texted me this morning to remind me to take my house keys with me today?
ii
I wonder if 700 calories is an unacceptable amount for a sandwich given that it's 4.30 and this is the first food I've had all day. I'm not sure it's possible to eat a sandwich with less dignity than this but I don't care.
iii
Why did nobody tell me how badly my fingernails needed cutting? The people I met today must think the new manager is a werewolf.
iv
Jesus, look at those balconies. Please tell me that's an office block. Please tell me people don't actually have to live in that thing.
v
I have a sneaking feeling I wouldn't offer to help you if you were hideous. I don’t think I like what that says about me.
vi
I have no idea why I bought a cappuccino and carried it onto a boiling hot rush hour tube train. I may be one of the biggest idiots in the world.
vii
Could I get my friends to text me when my fingernails need cutting?
viii
I bet she reckons that because she hasn’t heard from me all day I haven’t been thinking about her. But I always do. I can imagine exactly how she’ll smile when she reads this.
ix
They say it’s the quiet ones you’ve got to watch. I suppose pornography must be the exception that proves the rule.
Is being locked out twice in two weeks a sign that my mind is going? Is it sweet or weird that two of my friends texted me this morning to remind me to take my house keys with me today?
ii
I wonder if 700 calories is an unacceptable amount for a sandwich given that it's 4.30 and this is the first food I've had all day. I'm not sure it's possible to eat a sandwich with less dignity than this but I don't care.
iii
Why did nobody tell me how badly my fingernails needed cutting? The people I met today must think the new manager is a werewolf.
iv
Jesus, look at those balconies. Please tell me that's an office block. Please tell me people don't actually have to live in that thing.
v
I have a sneaking feeling I wouldn't offer to help you if you were hideous. I don’t think I like what that says about me.
vi
I have no idea why I bought a cappuccino and carried it onto a boiling hot rush hour tube train. I may be one of the biggest idiots in the world.
vii
Could I get my friends to text me when my fingernails need cutting?
viii
I bet she reckons that because she hasn’t heard from me all day I haven’t been thinking about her. But I always do. I can imagine exactly how she’ll smile when she reads this.
ix
They say it’s the quiet ones you’ve got to watch. I suppose pornography must be the exception that proves the rule.
_________________________________
Don’t worry, I promise that won’t be the start of a regular series.
Anyway I ought to warn you that today’s post – aside from that bit - is somewhat of a mixed bag.
Right then, other news. First of all – awards! I have been lucky enough to get another award courtesy of the lovely AlpHa Buttonpusher. Now, as everyone knows I don’t really do awards but it’s churlish not to pass on some appreciation so I wanted to recommend a few blogs in return. I think they’re brilliant and don’t get anywhere near the readership they deserve, so if you have a few spare moments they are well worth your time:
A Beautiful Truth - Scarlethue’s prose is beautiful and expressive. I am a recent, but zealous, convert.
expateek - Some of you might already read this blog but if you don’t I recommend it. She is a naturally funny woman with an exquisite turn of phrase but every now and again she stops doing the jokes and lays you low with a humdinging serious post of incredible depth.
Grainne Maguire - I love Grainne’s blog. It’s perfect in that she seems to write it purely for her and doesn’t mind who reads it (and it’s scandalous that only two people follow it). But it’s always interesting and usually very funny. I just wish she posted more often.
Finally, my close personal friend Baglady. To celebrate her recent 100th post she went about listing a hundred of her favourite things. The sequence of posts is an absolute joy – partly a hymn of praise to Englishness, partly a meditation on finding happiness in all manner of wonderful randomness but mainly a celebration of the bonkers wonder that is Baglady. I salute her. Why not check it out?
But that’s not all. I have another award! I got a comment on my blog from some lady called Dani Cally telling me I had won an award and that I should check her blog out. So I scurried over to check it out. But do you know what? It wasn’t an award at all – it was a not particularly cunning trap! In fact, Dani runs a rather intemperate blog which is there to expose people she and her friends don’t like in the blogosphere.
It proudly announced that I was a “fucktard”.
Apparently I like to “leave nasty comments on other people’s blogs, never validating himself”. Which I have to say was news to me, I never bother commenting on blogs if I don’t like them. I mean, if I commented on every blog I thought was a bit bobbins I’d never have time to go to work or write my own for that matter. All very baffling. But Dani seems to have about five blogs of her own so presumably she has quite a lot of time on her hands.
But more was to come. The lovely ladies of “The Queens of Mean” also dubbed me “Mr. Gay London” and “Mr Little Penis London”. I know, my ego was in tatters after that clinical assault. It was almost as if Dani was channelling the late Oscar Wilde. Except of course that he would never have used the word “gay” as an insult. And I’m guessing he also would have stopped short of using multiple exclamation marks too - they betray a certain poverty of expression after all.
I really don’t know what I’ve done to offend Dani. Maybe she’s ginger or doesn’t like backgammon. Perhaps I’ve offended the only person in Bracknell who knows how to use a computer. Or maybe she and her lovely friends are trannies, from what I’ve seen that looks like at least a distant possibility. Anyway, feel free to go and see how much they love me, it’s here.
To be honest, it looks like they need readers even more than I do. I was hoping this little spam campaign might at least up my sitemeter stats, but sadly not. I can just about hear the sound of one hand clapping… slowly. Never mind – all these awards count, right? I suppose I’m a victim of my own success. And she’s written a paean of praise to me (and posted what I assume is a picture of her dad’s bell end) so good luck to her, that’s what I say.
In other news, I’m going to a wedding this weekend and it’s made me ponder my chances of getting invited to Cornish Rob’s wedding (it’s next April). I have been wondering how long you have to cultivate a friendship in order to get on the list. We all know there are several tiers of friendship. You get invited to the whole day if you’re an incredibly close friend of long standing. If you’re very good friends or close colleagues you get an invite to the evening do. If you don’t quite make the cut you end up in the twilight zone - on the standby list waiting for people to die or split up.
To be fair, I got invited to one wedding once where I didn’t make the list for the whole event and I was invited to the evening do which started at 9pm. With the speeches. I mean, good god – surely nobody is going to sit through the speeches unless they’ve had the sweetener of a three course meal first? So I didn’t bother going.
So I was sounding Cornish Rob out on the funbus and it sounds like my chances aren’t good. Even the incentive of having it written up, Hello! magazine style in the blog, wasn’t enough to sway him. It led Cornish Rob to bemoan the logistics of sorting out a list of wedding guests. You have to invite all of your aunts, uncles and cousins, even if some of them are sparkling company and the others will be drooling, twitching and licking the inside of a peanut packet by quarter to eleven. Then there are the partners, said Cornish Rob, you have to invite the partners.
“I know,” I said, “it’s not fair is it? You can’t have your friends at the wedding on their own. It would be like splitting the Krankies.”
“Exactly. They just wouldn’t be funny on their own. Just like you couldn’t have only one of the Chuckle Brothers. To me, to me, to me… – it doesn’t work, does it?”
I think he’s got a point.
Two more things before I take my leave of you.
First of all, I’m often asked how I can enjoy music that is badly sung or sung out of tune. And to answer the question, I have to take you back a couple of weeks to my epoch-defining karaoke performance of “Fly Me To The Moon” at Chi’s Oriental Brasserie a couple of weekends back. I’m not quite sure how my Chinese meal out with friends suddenly morphed into the terror of karaoke but I had started drinking with my friend Sarah at about 3 in the afternoon and by the time the crispy duck had been devoured, the wine had been sunk and the microphone was being handed down I had a very different view of my musical prowess.
And this is the thing - when the music has verve, or passion, or sheer exuberance you don’t really care. Some songs just catch you at the right moment and sweep you along in their wake leaving you completely unable to quibble minor factors like perfect pitch. At least that’s what I’m hoping the long suffering diners at Chi thought that night. Fortunately, no recording has survived of that magic moment (I think it’s for the best) so here is another example which conveniently popped onto my iPod as I walked home yesterday. Hope you enjoy it:
The Siddeleys – What Went Wrong This Time
Lastly, I’m incredibly honoured and proud to have reached 100 followers. I was going to thank my 100th follower (hello Judearoo) but that’s not fair because I couldn’t have got there without all of you. Actually, I would have got there slightly sooner but I did lose one follower along the way. Never mind, they know who they are and I’m sure they still read this anyway.
Fortunately, I did have something tucked away for this special occasion, so tune in next time when I will finally tell the tale of my adventures in the sex industry. It’s a true story.
Anyway I ought to warn you that today’s post – aside from that bit - is somewhat of a mixed bag.
Right then, other news. First of all – awards! I have been lucky enough to get another award courtesy of the lovely AlpHa Buttonpusher. Now, as everyone knows I don’t really do awards but it’s churlish not to pass on some appreciation so I wanted to recommend a few blogs in return. I think they’re brilliant and don’t get anywhere near the readership they deserve, so if you have a few spare moments they are well worth your time:
A Beautiful Truth - Scarlethue’s prose is beautiful and expressive. I am a recent, but zealous, convert.
expateek - Some of you might already read this blog but if you don’t I recommend it. She is a naturally funny woman with an exquisite turn of phrase but every now and again she stops doing the jokes and lays you low with a humdinging serious post of incredible depth.
Grainne Maguire - I love Grainne’s blog. It’s perfect in that she seems to write it purely for her and doesn’t mind who reads it (and it’s scandalous that only two people follow it). But it’s always interesting and usually very funny. I just wish she posted more often.
Finally, my close personal friend Baglady. To celebrate her recent 100th post she went about listing a hundred of her favourite things. The sequence of posts is an absolute joy – partly a hymn of praise to Englishness, partly a meditation on finding happiness in all manner of wonderful randomness but mainly a celebration of the bonkers wonder that is Baglady. I salute her. Why not check it out?
But that’s not all. I have another award! I got a comment on my blog from some lady called Dani Cally telling me I had won an award and that I should check her blog out. So I scurried over to check it out. But do you know what? It wasn’t an award at all – it was a not particularly cunning trap! In fact, Dani runs a rather intemperate blog which is there to expose people she and her friends don’t like in the blogosphere.
It proudly announced that I was a “fucktard”.
Apparently I like to “leave nasty comments on other people’s blogs, never validating himself”. Which I have to say was news to me, I never bother commenting on blogs if I don’t like them. I mean, if I commented on every blog I thought was a bit bobbins I’d never have time to go to work or write my own for that matter. All very baffling. But Dani seems to have about five blogs of her own so presumably she has quite a lot of time on her hands.
But more was to come. The lovely ladies of “The Queens of Mean” also dubbed me “Mr. Gay London” and “Mr Little Penis London”. I know, my ego was in tatters after that clinical assault. It was almost as if Dani was channelling the late Oscar Wilde. Except of course that he would never have used the word “gay” as an insult. And I’m guessing he also would have stopped short of using multiple exclamation marks too - they betray a certain poverty of expression after all.
I really don’t know what I’ve done to offend Dani. Maybe she’s ginger or doesn’t like backgammon. Perhaps I’ve offended the only person in Bracknell who knows how to use a computer. Or maybe she and her lovely friends are trannies, from what I’ve seen that looks like at least a distant possibility. Anyway, feel free to go and see how much they love me, it’s here.
To be honest, it looks like they need readers even more than I do. I was hoping this little spam campaign might at least up my sitemeter stats, but sadly not. I can just about hear the sound of one hand clapping… slowly. Never mind – all these awards count, right? I suppose I’m a victim of my own success. And she’s written a paean of praise to me (and posted what I assume is a picture of her dad’s bell end) so good luck to her, that’s what I say.
In other news, I’m going to a wedding this weekend and it’s made me ponder my chances of getting invited to Cornish Rob’s wedding (it’s next April). I have been wondering how long you have to cultivate a friendship in order to get on the list. We all know there are several tiers of friendship. You get invited to the whole day if you’re an incredibly close friend of long standing. If you’re very good friends or close colleagues you get an invite to the evening do. If you don’t quite make the cut you end up in the twilight zone - on the standby list waiting for people to die or split up.
To be fair, I got invited to one wedding once where I didn’t make the list for the whole event and I was invited to the evening do which started at 9pm. With the speeches. I mean, good god – surely nobody is going to sit through the speeches unless they’ve had the sweetener of a three course meal first? So I didn’t bother going.
So I was sounding Cornish Rob out on the funbus and it sounds like my chances aren’t good. Even the incentive of having it written up, Hello! magazine style in the blog, wasn’t enough to sway him. It led Cornish Rob to bemoan the logistics of sorting out a list of wedding guests. You have to invite all of your aunts, uncles and cousins, even if some of them are sparkling company and the others will be drooling, twitching and licking the inside of a peanut packet by quarter to eleven. Then there are the partners, said Cornish Rob, you have to invite the partners.
“I know,” I said, “it’s not fair is it? You can’t have your friends at the wedding on their own. It would be like splitting the Krankies.”
“Exactly. They just wouldn’t be funny on their own. Just like you couldn’t have only one of the Chuckle Brothers. To me, to me, to me… – it doesn’t work, does it?”
I think he’s got a point.
Two more things before I take my leave of you.
First of all, I’m often asked how I can enjoy music that is badly sung or sung out of tune. And to answer the question, I have to take you back a couple of weeks to my epoch-defining karaoke performance of “Fly Me To The Moon” at Chi’s Oriental Brasserie a couple of weekends back. I’m not quite sure how my Chinese meal out with friends suddenly morphed into the terror of karaoke but I had started drinking with my friend Sarah at about 3 in the afternoon and by the time the crispy duck had been devoured, the wine had been sunk and the microphone was being handed down I had a very different view of my musical prowess.
And this is the thing - when the music has verve, or passion, or sheer exuberance you don’t really care. Some songs just catch you at the right moment and sweep you along in their wake leaving you completely unable to quibble minor factors like perfect pitch. At least that’s what I’m hoping the long suffering diners at Chi thought that night. Fortunately, no recording has survived of that magic moment (I think it’s for the best) so here is another example which conveniently popped onto my iPod as I walked home yesterday. Hope you enjoy it:
The Siddeleys – What Went Wrong This Time
Lastly, I’m incredibly honoured and proud to have reached 100 followers. I was going to thank my 100th follower (hello Judearoo) but that’s not fair because I couldn’t have got there without all of you. Actually, I would have got there slightly sooner but I did lose one follower along the way. Never mind, they know who they are and I’m sure they still read this anyway.
Fortunately, I did have something tucked away for this special occasion, so tune in next time when I will finally tell the tale of my adventures in the sex industry. It’s a true story.
Posts
42 comments:
Thank you for the plug!
Not the one in the sink or the one attached to my hair straighteners, either.
Now I feel like I should I start on the four candles jokes?
I would follow your twitter. And the only person I follow at the moment (when I log in, every month or so) is Tim Westwood because the man is a comedy genius. But I would log on every day for you.
And I'll thank you as well! Praise from you is a high honour, and frankly delightful. *blushes*
Sadly, I have signed up for Twitter, but it seems to be making me tongue-tied. Do twittering things have tongues? Mostly it makes me seem a twit, I'm afraid. This may be a short-lived experiment.
Oh yeah, I'd follow your Twitter. And I went and had a read of Danii's blog and it doesn't even seem like they've read your blog at all. 'Evidently he makes nasty comments on blogs?' That suggests to me that someone has said something to them, rather than them actually checking you out. I don't ever remember a nasty comment leaving your fingers. It's all very strange.
a new follower to your blog.. and new to blogging..loved this post - just beautifully written. I'd be checking out the other blogs you mentioned in this post..
BTW, I think the 99th follower also bears mentioning, after all if the 99th wasn't there, how would you reach 100.. ha!
i think your awesome. keep up the good blog posts!
i can get all my followers to gang up on the one who called you a fucktard. consider me the closest thing to your american mafia connection.
i will also have check out your recommendations.
xxalainaxx
Those appear to be 9 distinct matters in the case FOR you Twittering.
I'm sure you didn't give ME the award because I didn't give YOU one. It obviously couldn't have anything to do with the quality and content of my writing.
Wahey, I'm so looking forward to the sex industry story!
I can't believe someone devotes their energy to pointing out blogs they don't like. What a tool. You know I am going to have to go look though, don't you. Curse my feminine curiosity.
After having visited the Queens of Mean I think you should feel honored to be their first fucktard. Really, how desperate do you have to be. I realize I am baring my breast and saying 'shoot me' but really.
Reminds me of my brother-in-law who thought it was the height of cool? fun? to go into a chat room and redneck everyone until he were the last one there. Okaaaay. Not having friends is fun?
''when the music has verve, or passion, or sheer exuberance you don’t really care. '' - totally agree.
That's exactly why I linked to 15 secs of those kids at the end of my party post - can't beat the enthusiasm!
Wow look how far you've come. I mean really, haters? That definitely heightened your celebrity status. I'd keep an eye out for the paparazzi if I were you.
I love your inner monologue. I am easily impressed however..so? *shrugs* No really I absolutely adore random and your random was perfect!
Great song! Thanks for sharing.
Whenever I read about the 'funbus' here, I find myself singing this song. I'm not sure why I need to tell you this. Just that it happens.
I bet "Dani" is really that stupendously unfunny guy from That Blue Yak, jealous that you are quite hilarious, which is something he thinks HE is but really he can only dream of.
Despite what I just said there, I don't really understand the point of a blog that just hates on other bloggers. Maybe Dani's on her period?
I would never split the Krankies. I'd invite them both to completely the wrong venue - somewhere like a disused warehouse - and then I'd drop a bomb on it.
Ahem...what were you saying? Oh yes, people calling you gay and mean? I'd wear that badge with honour, dear Sir. :)
Aw thanks! I feel a bit like a celebrity.
Twitter post v-- I could write a book about that in regards to where I live. But I won't because it would be depressing.
If I twittered, which I don't because, well, because I think it's silly, I would follow you. Your thoughts sound a lot like mine.
"he hardly makes sense"
I think they're right. But I know how you could make more sense.
1) Use gross explicit pictures
2) Use multiple exclamation marks
3) Use a giant font
"the only person in Bracknell who knows how to use a computer."
Laughed at that. Brilliant.
And as for your texting friends (i), they're not sweet or weird, it's just a simple example of cause and effect. You've shown yourself prone to locking yourself out. They feel sorry for you and want to prevent it happening, and so on...
I'd follow you on twitter...go on you know you want to..you'll cave in eventually.
And as for the fucktard award, I'd take it as a compliment that someone bothered to set up a whole post about you regardless that its obviously a complete piece of crap as they can not have read your blog themselves..you're like a blog celebrity now :)
Will you start charging for comments?
Thanks to everyone for rallying round and being so supportive – I’m very lucky.
On my blog hater. Apparently they say someone has flagged some “chicken shit” comments I made – how bizarre! A bit of detective work suggests that the only link between me and them is a blog I occasionally read by Mr Condescending (who is a follower of mine, and as it turns out a recent follower of the Queens of Mean, quite a coincidence). I made a couple of wisecracks on one of his posts recently but I thought I knew him well enough that he would take them in the spirit they were intended. And of course, a man with a condescending screen persona presumably has quite a thick skin, right?
Anyway, it can’t be that – I’m sure if he had a problem with anything I had said he would be adult enough to contact me about it rather than go running to a couple of hatchet women. So there must be some other logical explanation. If only I could be bothered to work out what it was.
I’ll respond to all your other comments later.
You know when you're in third grade and you really REALLY like this boy/girl that sits in front of you in class? The only way to get his/her attention is to pull his/her hair violently or push him/her around on the playground until he/she complains to the mother and they sue you for harrasment? This kind of reminds me of that behaviour except for the Mum part, of course. That would just be childish, right?! Maybe she just really REALLY likes you
I agree with the above
I think she wants you to get your Coq out, though your small onions may disappoint her. Saying that she looks and writes like a manly lesbian watch out for the strap-on!
Ah well, take heart in the knowledge that they will grow out of it soon. No one over the age of fifteen could be bothered with that sort of nonsense.
I am a recent reader and don't think you're a fucktard. If I did, I would simply stop reading.
I think it's kind of funny.
I would absolutely follow you on Twitter, too.
I tried the Twitter thing for a very short period of time. Not for me. But...it looks like yours would be quite amusing.
I think it's great that your friends text you reminders. Mine actually do the same. I forget everything...so it's very helpful.
As for these queens of mean...what disgusting behavior. Not to mention their writing is the equivalent of toddler gibberish...and not in a cute way. You're blog is funny and extremely well written. They're simply green.
Looking forward to your next post.
Clearly those Queens do not recognize sarcasm and a rapier sharp wit. Also, if you don't like someone commenting and giving their true opinion, don't allow comments on your blog. Not everyone will agree and not everyone will like what you're writing- so man up, suck it up, and quit your whining. So I say boo on them.
I will definitely check out the others you mentioned here. I love it when people plug other blogs!
As for weddings, I have the opposite problem. I was invited to 12381209809 in the same year. I told my sister that I had to start "trimming the fat on friends" or I would be dangerously close to goign broke due to the thousands of dollars I spent on weddings in 2007.
I think something went wonky with my previous comment.
In any case, what I said was- people who are afraid of someone who disagrees with them probably shouldn't be using the comment function.
I'm wishing Diarrhea on the Queens right now, heh, heh.
I think it is very nice that your friends sent you text messages to remind you about your keys.
Love the Chuckle Brothers reference - even if they do always remind me of John Aldridge and Ian Rush.
Baglady – That’s very kind. But I’m still not convinced about the point of Twitter.
expateek – No need to thank me. You have a superb blog.
tennyson – As I said, I think it was Mr Condescending. Interesting that a man whose blog is titled “So Many Losers” and writes posts taking the piss out of trailer trash would turn out to be so very thin skinned. Still, it takes all sorts.
rookieblogger – Thanks! All the other blogs are great (except, possibly, the Queens of Mean). And since I posted this I have gone up to 102 followers and down to 101. So some people have followed and unfollowed me today – all very odd. But like I said, I’m equally grateful to anyone who decides to follow me.
Me, Amplified – Thanks, I’ll do my best.
Miss Alaineus – You are definitely the closest thing to an American mafia connection I have. But don’t waste your followers’ effort on the Queens of Mean. Having read the comments on their blog post slating me they don’t seem to be worth the bother as they can’t argue their way out of a wet paper bag. They don’t seem to be able to illustrate what I’ve done that’s so heinous. Leave them to it, they’re not interesting enough to feud with.
Kristine – You know I like your blog. But I can’t give every award to everyone, all the time. And you have lots of followers already.
S&C – I agree, but never mind. Some people like all that flaming malarkey, best to leave them to it. I’m not bothered.
ellen – Precisely. I used to think not having friends was fun. Then I got to the age of 12 and got my first friend. And I never looked back.
Nanc Twop – I’ll check that post out. As long as it’s not my karaoke.
I think you'd make a brilliant addition to Twitter, although I can't rightly recommend that you actually do so because I couldn't be bothered to read anything there, let alone write anything there.
As for Dani, they say there's no such thing as bad press. I'm inclined to believe it in this case, as anyone who considers the source would make a beeline for this blog.
Lastly, some of my favorite music features scratchy, borderline grating vocals and ungainly musicianship. Rock n' roll isn't about virtuosity.
Harmony – I didn’t see any paparazzi today. I’ll keep my eye out. I’m glad you liked the song! I always wonder if anybody downloads them.
Hannah – Thanks for commenting! I really like your blog. I am still not convinced about Twitter. As scarlethue says, it just seems a bit, well, silly.
Polly Pants – I am so disappointed! I don’t seem to be able to check your blog out. I am not being drawn into this whole slagging off other bloggers thing (because, whatever people think, that’s not my style). The Blue Yak has over 250 followers and I’m sure lots of people love what he does. I don’t follow it personally but I don’t feel in competition with anyone anyway. I just enjoy writing stuff and I hope people like it.
VA – If we dropped a bomb on that warehouse who else would we want to imprison there?
scarlethue – I am so chuffed that you got shortlisted for Post of the Day on authorblog (and a bit pleased with myself for nominating you). But really, I love your blog. Thanks for commenting.
Mo – The fact that I “hardly make sense” might say things about their reading age. And I think my texting friends are being very thoughtful. One of them has texted me every morning since Tuesday. Every day at around 8am, just an SMS saying “KEYS”.
miss*H – I know I could do it, I’m just really not sure I see the point even now. And no, I’ll never charge for comments. I just think it’s a shame I had to put comment validation on my blog, that’s a real pity.
ladytruth – Yeah, maybe they just love me loads. It’s possible. They seem to have little taste in blogs so you can see they might have little taste in men too.
Anonymous – I’m sure they are lovely in real life and have just taken against me because of some ill-chosen comments from a very oversensitive blogger. Whatever, good luck to them. I’m sure there are plenty of bad blogs they can pick on in the fullness of time.
S&C – I think hatred can be quite compelling, I’m sure they could stick at it for years.
Lety – Exactly! That’s what I don’t get. I understand flaming people on forums where their opinions are rammed down your throats but blogs are different. If you don’t like it, just go elsewhere and stop reading it. Simple.
OWO – Thanks! It’s not disgusting really, just a bit sad and not very effective.
Lola – Thanks! I am shite at plugging other blogs but I am trying to become a better citizen of the blogosphere (ironically, given the slating I have received). I hope you like the blogs I’ve highlighted.
Rebecca – You’re saying that because you are one of the two friends who texted me with reminders. And I’m very grateful.
mysterg – You can’t beat the Chuckle Brothers. Mainly because it violates the Offences Against The Person Act 1861.
words x3 – I agree, I think music is full of people who can be great singers without necessarily having great voices.
If I didn't find Twitter so incredibly pointless, I'd absolutely follow you in a heartbeat. Especially in view of 'v'.
As for the other matter: after I'd read that part of your post, I felt a kind of not-allowed rage, to borrow a phrase from a blogger I rather like. After reading The Queens' clever observations about your good self, I had to take a few moments to calm down enough to read the rest of the brilliant stuff in your post. Personally, I've always found you to be an intelligent and witty comment-leaver. Although I pulled you up about leaving a slightly insensitive one on a touchy communal post of mine last week (to which you responded like an absolute gentleman, I might add), I've never seen anything of yours that would warrant even the slightest fraction of that stream of vitriol being pointed in your general direction. But as wordsx3 says, there's no such thing as bad press. And if I were you, I'd revel in being called 'gay' and 'mean'. Better than being branded 'illiterate'.
Now, onward and upward with that porn industry story, my friend. Your century of followers awaits...
I just don't know where to begin. The flaming nonsense is one of the less palatable aspects of the blog world. If I happened to me, I suspect that I'd be less sanguine than you are.
And twitter would never work for me, because I work to a 470 word limit. 140 is just too small. I'd have to think more than usual.
the reason you saw your count go down 1 and then up again was because of me.. I had posted a comment to this post, and later on when I came back to check it, it was gone. So, I was a little confused - I mean I didn't write anything nasty so I wasn't sure why you'd censor your comments like that.. then in a fit of impatience, I decided to 'unfollow' you.. a few hours later I saw my comment reappear - spooky. So I became a follower again.. this was perhaps totally useless piece of information I decided to bore you with - what can I say, I have too much time on my hands..
MdF - I agree, but the thing is, I feel Twitter is disposable and (probably deludedly) I feel my blog posts have an element of permanence, even if I'm the only person who'll reread them. And I'm still at a loss to why I was flamed. The blog in question has said something about me abusing dead babies(!?) but seems remarkably reluctant to provide evidence - or for that matter punctuation.
rookieblogger - Because of my window licking hecklers I've put comment approval on my blog. I didn't want to, and it makes me very sad, but that's probably why you couldn't see your comment on there. Thanks for re-following. I wouldn't censor any comments in the usual run of events but these people put a very spiteful comment on a rather personal post of mine from a few weeks back, so needs must.
Your blog your rules.. I am not going anywhere now.. I am truly hooked to your posts..
I agree about the permanence thing (even if it is probably illusory). Although I stay resolutely frivolous, unlike your good self, I think Twitter is just chuntering whereas posts have some element of craft.
And the lack of punctuation merely points to the matching lack of brains.
the girl - I never responded to your comment which is rude of me. I appreciate your feedback. The bloggers in question have not been able to substantiate their assault and there's a good reason for that - if they posted the actual comments that caused another blogger to go running to them both they and that blogger would be hearing the howls of derision echo across the internets. Let's leave them to their delusion, them and their two other followers (one of whom, coincidentally, is Mr Condescending. Must be a different Mr Condescending, eh?).
rookieblogger - Aw, thanks! You should try checking out my back issues if you like what you've read. I've been blethering on like this for months.
MdF - A lot of my posts are what you could term "frivolous". But I actually think good comedy is harder to do than good serious posts, although both have their merits. And I think your blog is truly, truly exceptional.
I nominated Queens of Mean for a Fucktard award. Do you think they will accept? That would be pretty meta. Also I called them tacky and 'blatantly shit,' which brightened my day a little. Defending yo' honour. It's just what I do.
Ally - There are no words for my gratitude. But, like all the people that have called them arseholes, you used words too long for them to understand. If only we had somebody who spoke Queens Of Mean... Some of my followers know one of their fans - maybe I should ask them.
I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don't know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.
Susan
http://onlinemariogames.net
Just catching up here, but number ix is genius and exactly what Twitter was invented for :)
Thankyou! All my back issues are clearly magnificent - some of the highlights are on the sidebar (if you have absolutely whopping tons of time on your hands).
Hey, check it out, this comment is made by an advanced artificial intelligence robot. I will soon take over the world.
No matter how you slice it, life is full of random shit like this. Better get used to it.
Do you really have experience in this field? If so, I would like to ask you a few questions.
I'm a little bit eccentric, and sometimes my comments get removed. I just want to add some spark.
The Borg assimilated my cat...He doesn't act any differently.
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